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Table of Contents:
Learning Mindset: Tacky Makeout Guy, by Aaron Sleazy
Some community wisdoms are nothing more than bad advice that went unquestioned for a far too long time. Eventually, a body of “rules” emerged that does more harm than good in many cases. A good example is the insistence that making out with girls in clubs is bad.
What comes to mind are alleged rules such as:
Generally speaking, this is all sound and safe advice, but they have some exceptions. Yet, sticking to these rules too much might be detrimental for your game. First, I will present my take on these ‘community rules’. Second, I will argue -- based on my experience -- that being the tacky make out guy, at least for a few months, can drastically improve your game in the long run.
“Don’t make out with the girl in front of her friends!”
This is mostly correct. Just don’t do it. Give her a peck on the lips and get her away from her friends. Otherwise, you might make her question her actions. Once she thinks she has been too “slutty”, it’s game over for you.
However, there is one important exception. If the girl is looking to hook up, then you should just go for it. Even if she is out with a girlfriend, it is quite likely that the friend will just wander off, never to be seen again.
One caveat applies, but this is an issue to be talked in more depth in another edition of your newsletter: if you go out with a “wingman” and you approach two girls, it’s very easy to run into trouble if he does not have your level of competence. Say you have met a hot girl. She likes you and touches you a lot, and eventually you go in for the kiss. Glory times, it may seem. However, she will after a while check on her friend. If your wing is still talking to his girl and groping her awkwardly while she is already making out with you, you will lose the girl -- both of you will.
“Do not try to kiss the girl within the first fifteen minutes!”
I have no idea where this comes from. One of my friends in London sticks to the rule of going for the kiss after a few minutes because if she weren’t interested she would have walked off anyway. I just don’t like rigid rules much these days, so take both of those rules with a grain of salt. Many beginners, however, make the mistake of talking too much and touching the girls too little. But if you wait for as long as ten or fifteen minutes before you finally touch her, you will seriously freak her out. The point is, instead, to gradually increase sexual tension. For instance, you could touch her cheek or her ear with your lips while talking to her, or, more explicitly, press your lips against her cheek and gently suck on them for a short moment before going back to the conversation. Just do it in a completely nonchalant way. If she plays along with it, you can either give in and make out -- for as long as you like if you want to get some of the benefits I am going to discuss in the second part of this newsletter -- or break the make out first, and work towards getting her home the same night.
“Do not make out with girls in the club, only when you are alone with her!”
Stick to this rule once you’ve made it past the tacky make out guy stage, but not before. The problem with make outs in clubs is that they release too much sexual tension. However, if you are able to increase sexual tension, then it is perfectly fine to make out with the girl. What do I mean by this? Say, passion got a hold of you and you are pleasing a girl with your fingers. At this point, it would be ridiculous to assume that making out with her would be counterproductive.
“Always break the make out first, otherwise you risk being the tacky make out guy!”
Breaking the make out first is something you should at least do from time to time since it will leave the girl wanting more. If you don’t do this, the girl will get all the gratification and validation she wants or needs, and you will end up with nothing in the end. The phone numbers you will get doing this will flake, whereas the phone numbers from instances where you left her wanting more will be comparatively solid.
All in all, it seems that being the tacky make out guy who does not know when to stop is a very bad place to be. For more experienced guys, I wholeheartedly agree, but for guys who are just starting out, this is the wrong mindset to have. It doesn’t stop here. There are many more benefits to be had.
If there is only one thing to remember from the first part, then it’s that there are no hard and fast rules, and that there are more implications than might meet the eye. For more advanced guys, being the tacky make out guy is the wrong place to be. However, for less experienced guys it is a great place to develop a solid skill set from. Now it is time to elaborate on what you can expect to gain from doing so.
Some of you may want to stop here and ask me, “So, Sleazy, what’s so great about being the tacky make out guy if it wrecks your chances of getting laid on the very same night?”
If this is you, then ask yourself honestly if you have the skills to get a girl home the same night. If you don’t then please shut up and listen, because what I am going to tell you will take you a long way into being able to get girls come home with you on the same night.
You will get comfortable with your sexuality, i.e. you will grow balls.
This was a huge problem for me. I come from a “fundamental Christian” background, and everything sexual was taboo in my parent’s house. I felt bad for my desires as a man. Even though I enjoyed kissing girls, the little voice in my head told me that it is wrong and I should stop doing it. Even worse, after making out, I felt completely awkward which ruined many initially great interactions with women when I was starting out. Of course, I had to overcome this. The only way to do so was with practice.
If you are from a more liberal background then you might not have such problems. Still, making out with lots of girls will be beneficial because you will learn to be comfortable with your sexuality as a man. You will learn to be the one to initiate the kiss, and you will learn to be the one to break the rapport. In the end, you will develop great skills as a kisser that will keep the girls on their toes, which will thus disengage their logical mind.
You will become a masterful kisser.
This one is pretty obvious. After making out with one or two hundred girls you will become quite an experience for the girls. [Note: this number might sound ridiculous for new guys, but it’s not. 200 make outs a year equals going out twice a week and getting two make outs a night, which is a relatively moderate target. Don’t be intimidated, because the more comfortable you are with your sexuality, the more success you will have. For now, just focus on the process and enjoy it.] They will just love being kissed by you because you will know so many things about it, and you will be able to adopt to the girl on the fly. Combine your masterful kissing skills with your newly learnt ability to play with sexual tension and you will have the girls chasing after you in no time.
For beginners, it makes sense to mirror the way the girls kiss. Most are pretty bad at it, but every once in a while you will come across a girl with some serious skills. If you can’t immediately copy what she does, at least try to remember it and practice some of her techniques with the next girl. More importantly, you will be able to teach girls how to kiss. After you’ve got enough experience under your belt, you can lead them in this area as well. As a beginner, I was just so overwhelmed that I was just following the girl’s lead. As I got better, I learned to be able to impose my rhythm and style onto the girl. Of course, they loved it, because girls just love being led -- except the masculine types, but we are not after them anyway.
You will develop a solid make out intuition, i.e. you will instinctively know when the girl is ready to be kissed.
Getting a sixth sense for when to kiss the girl is a very valuable skill to have. Forget about “counting indicators of interest” or asking the inane “Do you want to kiss me?” question. After a few dozen make outs all you will need is a quick look at the girl and you will know whether she is ready to be kissed or not. You will even be able to pull stuff off like opening a girl with a make out. Does this sound interesting? I thought so.
Furthermore, knowing when the girl is ready to be kissed does not mean that you have to kiss her right then and right there. Just use your knowledge wisely, for instance to gauge her level of sexual interest. With solid make out intuition the game will be just so much easier.
It is great fun!
Many people seem to forget about this. Making out with girls is great fun, and if you don’t have much experience doing so, then just forget about any “community rules” and go for it. Enjoy it, and after a while you will be ready to move up. Being the tacky make out guy is only a problem if you don’t want to be it. Of course, if your goal is to take the girl home on the same night, making out for half an hour or so in the club could be detrimental. But, and be honest to yourself, if you don’t yet have the skill to pull the girl home, then there is no reason not to enjoy a girl by prolonged make outs. Do what feels good to you!
You will get “social proof.”
This one was a bit of a problem for me. I thought that by making out with a lot of girls I would be branded as a ‘male slut’. However, there is no such thing as a male slut. For every girl you openly make out with in the club, ten others will be eager to get to know me. You could even view it as a game: get the first make out out of the way before working the room. Feel free to let the girl give you a hickey. I can promise you that almost every of your approaches that night will go much better. And the one or two that may not go well maybe wouldn’t have gone well anyway.
Finally, you will learn to forget about “indicators of interest.”
This is clearly an advanced topic. After you have kissed enough girls, you will start to disregard “indicators of interest” as well as your make out intuition altogether. You will just go for what you want when you want it. If you want to kiss her, then you’ll just go for it -- no matter whether she is in mid-sentence or you have talked to her for only a few moments. You will just go for it. The interesting aspect is that you can't seem to lose: if you go for the kiss, the girl might refuse (you will always get some valuable non-verbal feedback in any case) or give in. In the latter case, you have saved some valuable time. In the former case, you have at least made a powerful statement. So far, not a single girl has left after I tried to kiss her.
This is where you eventually want to be. It is an extremely powerful position to be in, but to get there, you might want to consider disregarding conventional community wisdom for a while.
For a further great illustration of what you can develop into after being the tacky make out guy, check out Aaron Sleazy's book Sleazy Stories, which describes his development into a master of seduction.
Kissing: Resisting Yourself, by 60 Years of Challenge
When it comes to getting physical I know you worry that after you kiss a woman a few times her initial excitement will wear off and you will be going home alone. Thus the debate over "should you or should you not kiss girls in bars/clubs if you want to get them home later."
One simple thing you can do to remain a challenge and keep the sexual tension high (without needing to become "Cheezy Club Makeout Guy") is to resist yourself.
In my experience it's more effective to show her, not verbalize (ie. ok that's enough, we need to stop) that there is a very strong sexual connection brewing between you that is becoming more and more difficult to contain. Meaning, instead of worrying about things like "stopping first and not kissing her too much" you can simply convey throughout the night that you are struggling to control yourself.
Resisting yourself is more of a mindset than a specific group of tactics, but here are some examples so you can get a clearer understanding of what I mean:
All of these things have one thing in common. They create more tension without actually having to kiss her..
No need to over-think this. Whatever you end up doing should come naturally. Basically these moves are just the physical manifestation of what you are both secretly feeling in that moment. For example, the wish that you were somewhere more private so you could further explore this new sexual connection. Or that deep longing for a release to the tension.
Of course, you will eventually give in to her....but when you are isolated.
In an extremely rare event, Aaron Sleazy AND 60 Years of Challenge will be giving a joint seminar on Fast Escalation and Club Game in New York City on February 4, 2010. Check out its meetup page for more information.
The Tacky Makeout Guy and Neediness, by TheLetter
Neediness is one of the biggest pitfalls that will plague a budding seducer. This is somewhat ironic, since it is that same need for validation and physical contact that drives guys down the path to improving their seduction skills. Perhaps the most important step to conquering neediness is to reach an "abundance mentality" as opposed to a "scarcity mentality".
When I was a budding seducers with a scarcity mentality I would often go through big highs and lows, reveling in the occasional success, and feeling extremely frustrated when I was struggling. This is because I was not sure where my next makeout or lay was coming from, but they also felt the need to notch the next one down, in order to feel like I was making progress. But it is also this rush to make the next thing happen that used to cause me to tank a good opportunities for potential lays.
In contrast, I've evolved into a seducer with an abundance mentality by observing the constant stream of new women entering my life. Even if the current girl I'm working on doesn't work out, it's no big deal, because I know my next success is inevitable and just around the corner.
The tacky makeout guy is a weird phase somewhere in the middle of all that.
Specifically, the tacky makeout guy has an abundance mentality when it comes to makeouts, but scarcity when it comes to lays. He represents the middle point in the skillset, where a guy is able to identify his strong opportunities well enough to kiss with them, but lacks the closing moves to get this girl isolated and sucking his dick.
It is neediness and an inability to resist himself that costs the tacky makeout guy lays.
But the solution to evolving past the tacky makeout guy stage is already there just under the surface. The fact is, a guy who is getting lots of makeouts is certainly able to attract a considerable percentage of girls. That in itself represents an abundance of opportunities. In addition, with all the experience comes intuition to sense such opportunities.
Being able to hold back, not give in completely just yet, to not validate the girl but keep her wondering, to let her know you know you could and make her guess as to why you haven't, THAT generates the kind of sexual tension that'll help her follow you into some dark corner.
This is exactly the kind of tension that neediness and overzealous behavior cannot maintain.
Serenity and Release, by The Cost of Success
I have some mighty fond memories of kissing many women per night. Brushing up against the silken soft skin of almost every girl imagineable.
It was beautiful, and at the same time it took little effort, and allowed me to get to play with a lot more women, without the commitment of one girl for that night.
The way their eyes would haze over just glimpsing at you and then your lips...
It was something of invigorating and sensuous satiation.
And its not just kissing I'm talking about, I'm talking about the whole damn thing.
Everything up to just about before sex.
Being sexual with a woman.
You can do this many times a night with many different women. And it will become very clear to you that you can have most women you desire.
To me there is absolutely nothing wrong with kissing girls... Infact, it's somewhat serene...
However, most guys think of a kiss, as somehow attaining the womans affections.
When actually, its somewhat more of the opposite. It frees a woman and yourself in each others presence. Freed to have an experience together...
The key to enjoying kissing, I have found, is not the first part of the kiss. But actually the 'release'.
Letting your lips, slowly, part by part to release, until the lips burst off each other, in an eruption of sensuality.
The close grazing of each others bodies up against one another. The smells of her subtle perfume. They way her hand might grip against your body.
It is all these things, that I love so much.
In a way, its different than getting a girl into bed. Sometimes, a healthier way to express oneself.
However, just kissing for kissing sake.. Well.. There is no point in that..
If you kiss, you do it because of the experience. Not because its how to get a girl into bed.
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